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Dear Z,

Honestly, I’m not really sure how to start this other than by saying fuck you.

You could’ve left me alone, you know. Things didn’t have to get to the point that they did. I would’ve been perfectly okay, especially now that I’m dealing with the inconvenience of being angry with you, your immaturity, and your inability to communicate.

Though you didn’t have an issue communicating with me during the last night we spoke. As I recall, you told me the following:

“You’re a sexy, charming girl very easy to talk to clearly very intelligent and you turn me on x / You’re also funny / Which ties into charming” and “I do enjoy you / I’d like to enjoy you more / In an every sense way”

So forgive me, I guess I’m struggling to understand how the woman you thought this way about was entitled to receiving this much disrespect from you, not even a full 24 hours after these very words were sent.

“Tomorrow night you free? / For dinner / Go for a bit of food and a couple drinks / Local to us it can be easy x”

You really didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to ask me out to dinner if you didn’t plan on actually taking me out. And worse, if there was ANY point (which clearly there was) between you finishing work and you heading home that you didn’t want to go out anymore, why didn’t your grown 28-year-old ass just say so?

Was it necessary for you to wait till I sent the text that I was done getting dressed for you to leave me on read and not hear from you again the whole night? You’re really unable to communicate at your big age?

Seriously, what kind of sick joke is that? To wait till you’ve got someone who’s spent some time getting ready, fully dressed to go out, only to disappear like a true coward.

I’m a see-it-to-believe-it kind of girl, so I tread carefully when similar things to what you said are spoken to me anyway. Words genuinely mean nothing to me these days if you don’t show me it’s something you truly believe in yourself.

I guess I’m just disappointed is all.

More in the fact that though you’re older than me, I had to be the mature one in this situation. What I really wanted to do was send to you what I’m typing out now. I wanted to rip you a new asshole since you had no problem being one. I wanted to tell you exactly how I was feeling and what was on my mind in the split-second realization that you were standing me up on a dinner date that you’d asked me on less than 24 hours before.

I would’ve called you names, told you to lose my number, call you out on your bullshit.

But instead, I sent you this: “Honestly, I’d have appreciated if you were upfront about not wanting to meet or changing your mind. It would have saved us both time, and I would have absolutely respected the honesty. Best of luck and take care.”

I chose to be the bigger person, but I wanted so fucking badly to be the immature one for a change. I didn’t want to take the high road; I always do.

And what was my fucking reply? Not a word from you, of course, that would be expecting too much from you. WhatsApp sent a read receipt at 2:09am on your behalf — long after I’d taken off my makeup, took a shower, and went to bed.

I’ll never know why you stood me up that night. Hell, I’ll never know why you decided to ask me out to begin with. Likely in hopes of sleeping with me (go figure).

I hope whatever you got out of the weeks we spoke was worth it. Hopefully, you learn to grow a pair and put your big boy pants on with the next girl you connect with. Immaturity and inconsistent communication for a 28-year-old isn’t cute, love x.

—El