A little bit triggered by the title because back in my Youtube days, my first video was called “Dear 2017” that summed up how that year went for me. But I thought since I’ve now shifted to blogging, I’d pay a little ode to the days where reflecting on my year was in video format.

If I’m being honest, this year was fucking wild.

But if I could sum it all up into one phrase or one sentence it would be:

2022 definitely had me feeling blessed and highly favoured.

I’m not sure how to approach even writing this blog post, since this is the first of its kind on Unfiltered but I think it might be useful to split it up into different areas of my life: love, career, and life & personal growth.

So guess which one I’m starting with…

Love

I think I’ve previously been candid about dating, when I launched the Almost Love retrospective on my blog in February. At the time, I was actually seeing somebody and felt very hopeful about that connection. We’d started talking at the end of October 2021 and it lasted until April of this year, when things got really messed up to the point of no recovery. Although I’d been emotionally checked out (and was going through a lot at that point, given what I was processing) since April, I’d officially ended things between us in June.

A lot of fucked up things happened. And although I pride myself on maintaining this blog as a safe and open space, I don’t think I can fully detail everything that happened on here. Aside from it being incredibly fucked up, I also haven’t fully made my peace with everything even though I’ve long since started the processing of healing and moving on. Because at the end of the day, it is what it is and I can’t change anything despite deeply regretting pretty much of all of it and wishing I could take it all back.

But what I can say, is that it definitely left me traumatized with a lot of trust issues and a lot to think about. Things got deeply manipulative, really uncomfortable, unnatural, forced. A lot of gaslighting was involved, he had issues that were affecting the connection, and it got to the point where the connection was one-sided and no longer mutually beneficial.

It literally got to the point where I was thinking even if I’d decided to look past his issues, I’d still be miserable if I stayed.

And it’s wild thinking it even got to that point.

I thought I was guarded before, but coming out of this has definitely thrown me into full “guard-up” mode. And to be honest, it’s left me feeling a little scared because I’ve got this feeling like the world is out to get me and quite frankly, I don’t like the person I become when someone hurts me. I don’t do well with handling pain and heartbreak; I’m the worst with that and sometimes I hate myself for it.

But that’s the cancer sun and aquarius moon in me battling it out. One side is saying to cry it out, while the other is demanding to suck it up.

I’ve been through a lot since I started navigating the dating world; have encountered many different personalities with all kinds of intentions and motives, but not one of them really any good. And I’ve picked myself up and dusted myself off every time, but I’m quite tired of having to do what is basically routine now; it hasn’t been good for my mental health. And I’ve started questioning whether dating is really in the cards for me.

I haven’t been serious with anyone or have even started seeing anyone since that situationship ended. I’ve been busy anyway, so I haven’t had much time to think about dating. But I’ve been taking it easy at the same time and just focusing on myself and my growth from this situation. I think it’ll take some time to bounce back, but maybe in due time I’ll be ready to try again.

Despite learning a lot, I think the key things that I’ve learned is knowing when to say no and put my foot down, recognizing when to leave something that isn’t healthy for me and protecting my peace, knowing what I want, and knowing you can’t help people who don’t want to be; if they want to destroy their life, that’s fine but don’t let them drag you into their fire.

Career

Amid all the trials and tribulations of the last two years (and even this year alone), I definitely experienced a lot of triumphs this year and again, consider myself very blessed and highly favoured when it comes to my career. I think in a blog post I posted in October, I explained the many different job positions I held in the span of a couple of months.

The first half of 2022 had me in many contractual and volunteer positions, taking on at least two more internships, leaving my part-time job as a Starbucks barista to entering my industry-focused job as a VIP Concierge at History. I was also accepted into mentorship program I’ve applied to once before, that seeks to bring opportunities and learning experiences to women in music. As of yesterday (December 10th), I have completed the program.

All that to say, I’ve been a very busy woman. But all of that work led to finally making my return to Universal Music Canada, just two years after completing my internship on the same team I find myself on now.

If you had asked me years ago if I’d be where I’m at now, with the connections I’ve made; the resume I’ve built; and the portfolio I continue to expand on, I wouldn’t have believed you. These last few years have been so rough, navigating working in the music industry when at some point I knew close to no one and had close to no experience. And with every moment that passed, even the thought of securing an entry-level position in the industry seemed intangible. Now I often find myself working shows or going to events and there’s almost no face I don’t recognize or name I don’t know.

I haven’t taken a moment to celebrate my accomplishments this year because I’m just constantly on the go. But I guess I’m taking this moment now that I’m reflecting.

I fucking did it.

And God knows how hard I worked for this, prayed for this, cried over this, manifested this, and to think I’m now laying out the stepping stones and planning out the trajectory of my career is still a concept that completely baffles me. I’m 4 months into my full-time job and still grappling with the reality of this being 100% real, while recognizing that it is because I worked so fucking hard.

Despite how fast the year moved, I’m so grateful and proud of everything I’ve able to do so far in my career this year, and I can confidently say that I’m only going to continue to go further.

Life and Personal Growth

I’d like to think I experienced a lot of growth this year. So many life changes happened and situations that forced me to do a lot of self-reflecting.

When I was going through the situationship I was in earlier in the year, I think a part of me died. I’m definitely not the same person from when I started the year, because I went through a lot more than I could’ve anticipated. I wasn’t prepared for the things that I experienced, nor was I expecting to go through worse things than previous years. But I did. I was tested and I passed, somehow coming out the other side still standing.

But at some point, I leveled up.

I’ve always been an independent person, but this year took me to new heights. I moved out of my mom’s home and into an apartment of my own. I’ve now been cooped up in an apartment in Toronto with a roommate for 3 months, which has been really exciting and very different than what I’m used to.

But I think it was definitely a change I needed and it’s been great for me so far. In a way, I was kind of forced to grow up and be the independent young adult I always envisioned myself being. Prior to moving out, it was definitely a scary change and I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own without the sheltered support from my family. And it’s a bit out of the ordinary as a 22 year old to be completely independent, living on their own, in a big city, with multiple jobs and trying to make something of themself. The thought in and of itself is daunting, but I couldn’t have imagined a more healthier transition into this new chapter of my life.

I believe that I have grown so much over the year. I had to take a step back and look at myself differently, get comfortable with the uncomfortable, and really get after what I want. I’ve pushed myself more than I ever have, but was also reminded at multiple points throughout the year to give myself some much needed time to rest.

But I like who I’m becoming and I’m excited for the world to see that too.

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2022 has brought on more than I could’ve hoped for. Not only did it give me a lot to think about, but it answered questions lingering in the back of my mind and got me to the place I’ve been working countless hours to be in.

I’m not exactly sure what 2023 has in store. It’s scary to look ahead to the year to come since so much of it is unknown and the possibilities remain endless. But I remain hopeful because the only way is up. My foot is in the damn door and I’m well on my way to shattering the glass ceiling.

I just hope I can continue to do 4 year old me, 16 year old me, and 20 year old me proud.

ED out x.

Listen to: Watch n’ Learn // Rihanna

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