*Featured in when drifting, she dreams

“you melt into him like snow in the rain.“

and boy, did i melt. but what’s disappointing is the fact that i melted over false promises. over truth laced with lies. over fake love. i melted into him the way i wished he’d melt into me completely, unapologetically, relentlessly. but part of me knew i wouldn’t have that. i had a love for him that he simply didn’t share. instead, i was given whatever he thought was love. his twisted definition of it. through empty promises and hurtful words. through controlling actions and bruised egos. through dominance and control and a lack of self-love. through manipulation and condemnation. through moral injury and abusive human nature. that was how he showed his love. and all those times that he would tell me how much he truly loved me, after apologizing for his appalling slew of hateful speech, i knew that was not love. but i so badly wanted to believe him because i wanted to believe that he was capable of it. but men who are that capable of showing that kind of “love,” aren’t capable of anything at all.