First: if you know what song I referenced in the title, you have taste and I think we should be friends (and maybe go see Jessie Reyez together after corona?)

Second: I am not a mental health professional but I am a huge advocate and will always take opportunities to speak about my experiences, setbacks, progress, etc. That being said, if I happen to talk about what I do to cope with certain things or how I deal with things, try it out but know that everybody is different. What I do might not work exactly the same for you, and that’s okay. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, life is literally all about trying new things, experimenting, and ultimately winging it until you figure it out.

Third: I think this pandemic has finally gotten to me and it literally feels like it’s targeting my mental state.

I can’t say that I’m surprised, but I will say that I’m over it. I’m not the best when it comes to dealing with things on a mental level sometimes. I become a completely closed-off person, I disassociate from people and things, I distance myself from the world, I become more negative than usual, and sometimes I cry unprovoked.

I promise I’m not your stereotypical Cancer sign.

(if you know what movie this is from or you’re into astrology too or both, I don’t know how we haven’t met yet).

That being said, if you were to look at me you wouldn’t know any of those things (unless I give up in trying to hide it or I straight up tell you that I’m not feeling the greatest).

The words “quarantine” and “social distancing” have been thrown around a lot since corona took over the world, and we’ve physically done those things in order to protect ourselves from the virus. But it took realizing how much this pandemic has impacted me (and those around me), to realize that I’ve mentally done those things as well. I’ve “quarantined” myself within my own head and have “socially distanced” myself from interacting with other people.

Has anybody actually taken that in? That not only can you physically do those things, but you can mentally do them as well? Without even realizing?

And I’m definitely not speaking for everybody when I say this. I’m sure this pandemic has affected a lot of people in a lot of different ways and I’ve remained sensitive to that. Nobody was expecting Miss. Rona to do this much damage or impact humanity in the way this virus has, in the months that it’s been around.

I’m sure you don’t want to do this (or even think about it), but when you look back to how you initially planned 2020, you probably had a lot of really cool shit planned out for yourself. You probably planned on travelling at some point and might’ve already had some money set aside. You may have bought a concert ticket or music festival passes in 2019 for a 2020 show. There were probably a ton of local events and attractions you wanted to see, parties you wanted to host, friends you wanted to have over.

And I feel you.

I’m sure a lot of other people do too.

I think this pandemic has brought out the worst in everybody and you’ve seen a lot of true colours – through encounters or experiences or just simply staying in the know. Some people have lost their jobs and others have lost loved ones – some have lost both. Businesses have closed as a result of being unable to financially recover, either from partial to full shutdowns across the globe.

If you really think about it, this pandemic is over 1000 ways fucked up.

And so, it’s bound to take a toll on you mentally, no matter what stage of life you’re in. It just hits everybody at different times. For some, it hit earlier in the pandemic and for others, it hit later.

For me, it hit shortly after I finished school (officially in August, but my mental crash was delayed until September). The horrific events that’ve happened in regards to BLM haven’t helped either…then add seasonal depression.

I’ve been really hard on myself to figure things out when a lot of it is beyond my control. And I constantly have to remind myself that things will fall into place eventually, but my worst habit is overthinking and over-analyzing.

(So you can imagine how well it plays out in my head when I’ve got nothing else to do…)

(…and negativity really be livin’ in my head rent free smh).

Patience has really become my best friend.

I’ll be honest, this is the part where I’m not entirely sure where this is going and hope to god I’ve made some valid points. But I will say, meditation has also become my best friend in this pandemic. I’ve made it a mission to meditate at least once or twice a day, just as a period dedicated to myself. I’ll admit that I’ve fallen off, but it’s helped me a lot recently when I need to pop out of my thoughts.

(If you have access to Calm, 10/10 would recommend).

Another app that I’ve used is Headspace, but if you aren’t able to gain access to those apps it’s also easy to google guided meditations or just have calming music play as you meditate.

I guess my overall point is to make yourself a priority always. You won’t be able to live your best life or make big moves if your head isn’t in the game. Growing and evolving starts with you and that includes every part of your being.

And that’s what I’ve realized since my mental crash started, and especially in the last few days spent in my head.

So until the next blog post…

ED out x.

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Listen to: Figures, a Reprise // Jessie Reyez & Daniel Caesar

+ High // 5 Seconds of Summer