i see your face at every street corner, on every billboard, in every store front; your face blurred on every single stranger i pass, and i can only hope that one of them i pass is actually you.

those lips, those eyes, that hair, those hands. every line, every freckle, every curve on everything in this damn city – all of it a painful reminder of you. a tortuous memory of everything about you that i so much adored, but words i never said and can only wish i said now that i’ve lost you. of conversations and sweet nothings exchanged, all of which still make my stomach do backflips and my heart miss a single beat.

the strong desire to feel you, touch you, and please you make my whole body ache; every bone cracks at the thought of doing things to you that another woman is doing in my place. and with that comes the immediate surge of jealousy, thinking she is pleasing you in ways i could only dream of. taking my unwhispered sweet nothings out of my mouth, and whispering them to you; making you harder, making you throb like crazy, making you yearn for her instead of me.

forgive me for being selfish for wanting to be the one to give you those things with meaning, and with a connection that took months to build. i’ve been selfish and i’ve been foolish and i’m sorry.

forgive me.

forgive me for wanting to love you in ways that the two of us could only dream of. i’ve never been in love, so i could only try, but i would have tried my hardest, and you would have been pleased.

forgive me.

forgive me for wanting to be apart of your world as much as i want to make you apart of mine. forgive me. forgive me for wanting to please you in ways no other has been able to.

forgive me.

forgive me for wanting to get inside you; to figure out what makes you tick, what angers you, what scares you, and why you’re as hesitant to trust another soul as i am.

forgive me.

forgive me for wanting to be the brightest star in the midst of your darkest nights.

forgive me.

forgive me for wanting to make up for all the times you’ve been hurt or mistreated, for all the nights you’ve spent alone and the days you spent trying to escape the demons in your beautiful head, for all the times you wished you had just someone to make everything better.

forgive me.

just- forgive me.